‘Fifa Go Home’ – why football doesn’t always matter


Have four years really gone by that quickly? It only feels like last week we were waving goodbye to the last one month our lives that was wasted. Already News stations are being taken over with reports about how long there is until it starts and how various people you’ve never heard of from somewhere in west London have been affected by it in some form. All you have to do is walk down the streets and you’ll find your eyes being blinded with the amount of England flags plastered on buildings, people’s shirts and cars. A lot of people have been sucked in to the idea that the World Cup matters, but honestly when you think about it, what is the point of football?

Referred to by many as the “beautiful game” I fail to see where the “beauty” element fits in to this rather tedious sport. It is neither entertaining nor interesting, and it is far from beautiful. After seeing pictures of people from Brazil (pictured above) it is clear that the game has a rather ugly side to it. While idiots from all over the world run around on a bit of grass for ninety minutes at a time, there are people in the streets who are finding it difficult to eat every day. There are so many different things that annoy me about football, that it is impossible for me to find the game “beautiful”. It is so utterly without merit in today’s society that I would like to take this opportunity to state exactly why I find it is so annoying and repulsive.

Lack of interest – I still cannot possibly comprehend why you want to watch millionaires running around a patch of grass. There is nothing interesting about that, and yet the commentators find so much to talk about. If it was me the commentary would consist of “he’s kicked the ball…and now someone else has the ball….and now another person has the ball…the ball has been passed again which indeed resulted in another person possessing the ball before passing it again” it is literally that interesting. I know people defend it and say there’s more to it than that, but there isn’t.

It’s the same thing – what’s the point in holding competitions if it is literally the same thing? It’s the same teams playing other teams to win the same title has before. And that happens every single year, and of course every four years for the World Cup. Why don’t we just decide once and for all who the overall winner is, give them a pat on the back and a lollipop and then move on. I know why, because Fifa is making so much money it doesn’t know what to do with itself.

Fifa makes too much money without a good cause – we all know how much football players get paid, and it’s a result of Fifa and other football related businesses earning so much money that they can afford to keep their players living is such extortionate lucre. It’s not as if the money is going to a good cause, it keeps the players wealthy while other people struggle. Considering the amount of money the companies earn I refuse to call football a good cause until the majority of the revenue is donated to charity or working towards redistributing wealth and footballers pay cheques are cut severely. In the wise words of comedian and writer David Mitchell “surely now post credit crunch we hate rich people? Why do footballers get away with not being hated? They should be forced to emigrate. They should be forced to go to South Africa, it doesn’t matter what they do there, but then never return because they’ve got loads of money for doing something that doesn’t matter”.

It dominates the sporting world – there is so much coverage of the football when it’s on it means that other sports get completely neglected. The F1 doesn’t matter anymore, cricket goes out the window and then there are other sports that don’t even get televised. It’s just annoying because football is all we know as a nation and it means that other sports are completely forgotten about just because one sport is a favoured more. Again, in the words of David Mitchell when he spoke about the idea of a world cup summer “this just means terrible news for Cricket. There’s going to be a whole summer where it’s even harder to watch Cricket, more people will be talking about people I’ve never heard of who are apparently both billionaires and brain dead, and I find it all very depressing”.

Especially this year, the host has better things to spend money on – I know it doesn’t really apply to league football in our country, but for the World Cup this year it is clear that the host country does not need football. As mentioned before the picture above shows how people from the host country have been protesting because of the presence of Fifa in their country. I personally am overjoyed to see this. Fifa has bitten a chunk out of the country so the people have bitten back and shown how they’re truly feeling. With the social and economic problems that are present in Brazil at the moment there are clearly better things the money needed for the World Cup could be funding. Instead of hosting a pointless tournament that has little relevance or importance in today’s society Brazil could be focusing on aiding stability for the future and using the money to help those who need it. But that won’t happen because people want to see several people kicking an inanimate object to each other in an attempt to show how their country is ‘the best’. Disgusting.

On top of all of this the fans of football annoy me to the point of frustration. The way they treat football as the most important thing in the world is beyond my comprehension. In fact a couple of years ago when the riots were occurring in London I got in to an argument with someone my age who claimed that the worst thing about the riots was that football matches would be cancelled. Let’s just forget the masses of property damage, violence and houses being set on fire and worry about watching talentless idiots earning ridiculous salaries.

I understand that not all fans are the same of course, it would be wrong of me to criticise all of them, but there are particular ones that annoy me, the list is as follows:

– Those who paint their face for football matches: this is football not Braveheart, you look like an idiot.

– those who say “football is my religion”: how sad their lives must be, I would recommend finding a more stable faith.

– those who shout their team name followed by the phrase “Until I die”: I can only hope their demise follows swiftly. I can understand supporting a team and being passionate about them, but there is a line between being a good sportsman and being plain creepy.

– those who use violence as a resort of recent football events: now this is the main one which annoys me beyond belief because it shows just how brainwashed football fans get. I don’t mean to sound like a primary school teacher but it’s the only way to get the message across: IT IS JUST A GAME. The whole point of a sport is that it’s exciting. It would be boring if your team won every single time, so I don’t understand why people use violence when things don’t go their way. Even if the fan of an opposing team insults their team I know some people that would turn violent because they didn’t like what they were hearing. And these people are meant to be adults, why don’t they just grow up and accept that people have different opinions. It doesn’t happen with any other hobbies does it? As a film fan I didn’t go the nearest pub and hit someone just because Leonardo DiCaprio didn’t win an Oscar this year. I just accepted disappointment like a mature human being and moved on with my life.

I understand that as a film fan it is very easy to argue that films are pointless too, but really you could say that about anything. Films, sport, music, art, at the end of the day it’s about what people gain from it. I understand that people gain a lot from liking football but personally I don’t share the interest. It happens with me all the time with films. I know people don’t like films and don’t take as active an interest as I do and I accept that. So why isn’t it acceptable for me to dislike football?

I was being served in a shop once, and the young woman serving me began ranting about “what sort of a man doesn’t like football?” 

To which I could only respond “me”.

I am the sort of man who doesn’t like football. I understand that it serves some purpose for a large number of people and that it does bring people together as a community, but then I also see how it divides people in to schisms and causes harm in the world. I am still angry about the World Cup being hosted in Rio this year despite all of the protesting. I would feel a lot better if they cancelled it just this one time and used the money for better purposes, admitting that football isn’t the most important thing at the moment. I dislike football because as this year proves it serves a minimal purpose in this world in the bigger picture and as usual it is a fairly uneventful enterprise. Again, the same could be argued with films, but at least with films it’s an art form and there is a creative edge to it with a lot of variety. Football is a sport in which repetition seems to be the key.

To summarise I would describe as something of a mad hatter figure, famous of course from Alice in Wonderland. Much like he celebrates every day that isn’t his birthday (named as his unbirthday) I am in the position where others celebrate every moment football graces their screens, whilst I celebrate every second in which such a pointless and tedious activity is not on my screen.