Words Unspoken Make the Loudest Sound [Poetry Extract] 

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What I thought I would do today is head back towards a style of writing I experimented with a couple of weeks ago, in a piece of poetry entitled The Ballad of a Self-Diagnosed Doormat (https://adamdlester17.wordpress.com/2015/05/21/the-ballad-of-a-self-diagnosed-doormat-poetry-extract/). It was basically a more comical approach to topics I often write about, with less imagery and more sarcasm and bluntess. As I felt like doing something different I have gone back to that style of writing for a change and experimented with the source material that inspires me, I hope you all enjoy!

Why should I seek forgiveness from you?

you hold no authority or prestige

I do not bend to your sense of entitlement

you’ll receive no apologies I’m afraid

not until you extend the same courtesy

of course hold a grudge against me for literally anything!

meanwhile I’ll forgive everything you’ve done

consider yourself absolved of all actions

calling me useless and a shit boyfriend

insulting my writing

lying about loving me

removing me from my friends because of jealousy

restricting which gender I speak to

accusing me of cheating on you with a best friend

hitting me repeatedly

breaking the skin on my face

then calling me a coward for  “not taking it like a man”

speaking the words “poor ickle Adam can’t take a hit from a fucking girl”

telling me you hope I die alone

laughing at the thought of my stomach operation going wrong

sending me pictures of your freshly cut skin

lying to me beyond measure

lying to the authorities and threatening everything I have worked for

yes of course all of those are fine!

I did send a thank you card, must have got lost in the post

do you honestly think I need to apologise to you?

what fucking universe do you live in?

when you have addressed the previous points and more

when you remove yourself from your fucking high horse

when you re enter Earth’s atmosphere

then and only then

will I consider listening

it is futile to believe this will ever happen

you will never feel remorse for your actions

I ask why you ever hit me

how you could ever hit someone you claim to love

you will never be able to answer that question

and that in itself is a loud enough answer

blame it on voices in your head

on past traumas from childhood

blame it on anger like a coward

or you could take some responsibility

admit for once that you have problems

either way do not take your anger out on me

do not try to end your life in front of me

do not dare assume I owe you anything

least of all an apology

instead sit in silence

that speaks loud enough for your vile actions

it says more than you will ever be capable of

Thank you all very much for taking the time to read this piece. If you have any thoughts on it then please feel free to leave comments below and I shall respond as soon as I can.

I probably won’t have another piece ready until the start of next week now but I hope you all have a great weekend!

Burning Faster than Paper [Poetry Extract]

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Alright so I haven’t posted a poem in a while now and I feel like the time is right to post a piece I wrote not too long ago. It’s a nice combination of two of my interests, film and poetry, and it was doing something different with similar source material to previous pieces. I hope everyone enjoys!

films can only live for so long

our film was made long before digital projection

imprinted on 35mm celluloid

held in front of the light

moving fast enough to make frozen images dance into life

a film of us stopping time together

hands held in the sunlight

warm embraces in the winter winds

living forever

it was not a silent film

instead filled with words softly spoken

a score composed of heartbeats and laughter

initially a project of hope

 hope of additional scenes being written

however classification dictates 

too much on screen violence is not well received

there were only so many film reels left

the cigarette burn in the top right corner of the screen

warning that the reel is coming to an end

do not change the reel

additional footage is not required

increasing violence has already left its mark on the picture

our favourite film

played too many times

clinging to prior happiness

hoping we could survive the heat one last time

rewatching the opening scenes of happiness

attempting to ignore the inevitable ending

we overexposed our film to the light of a projector

fire

nitrate film burning three times faster than paper

removing images we once held so close

the flames raging through our past

and in an instant

the film of you and I ceases to exist

leaving empty film canisters

the only scraps of detail that may remain

waiting for escape through the rising smoke

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this piece, I am always grateful to those who take time out of their day to read what I have written. If you have any thoughts then please feel free to leave a comment below and I shall respond as soon as I can.

I’m not sure if I will have another piece ready by the end of this week, either way I hope you all enjoy the rest of your week!

The Empty Pages I Occupy [Poetry Extract]

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It appears to have been a few days now since I last posted a piece of poetry and so I have prepared a new piece. I have been guilty recently of focusing on one thing in my poetry and only looking at it from one perspective. So what I have prepared for today is a piece that approaches similar topics but from a different perspective and with a slightly different tone. There are references to previous pieces I have written so it should still feel vaguely familiar. I hope you all still enjoy this piece.

when you turn my way what do you see?

vapour trails

the remaining evidence of a love you gave up

then again, was there ever anything there?

it can’t have been of any significance

dropped in an instant with little remorse

you already told me you never loved me

you just liked the attention as you put it

harsh words spoken softly

what did you ever see?

a pair of lips and eyes of an indistinct colour?

it certainly wasn’t me you saw

I’m not here

my name is the only certainty

the rest is an empty book

a book you did not care to write

falling in love was not in your interests

the book I wrote of you is full

a flowing narrative of everything I fell in love with

every small detail others would not care to notice

the creases in your face as you smile

the smudges of ink on your left hand from your writing habits

drops of ink on your face from working so frantically

the specific amount of milk you like in your tea

the excitement in your eyes when reading the blurb of a new book

your eye that goes slightly lazy when focused on a phone screen for too long

the enthusiasm in your voice when explaining mathematical terms

the puffs in your cheeks as you eat strawberry laces

your arm linking mine in the cold winter breeze

makeup stains on the lapel of my winter coat

the hair clips you would leave on my bedside table

seeing your small shoes in the hallway of my house

the sound of your breathing when we’d lay completely still in silence

our heartbeats synchronising as I held you in my arms

a book with not one page left blank

I don’t even know if you could write a book of me

it would be hard to find something to love

not much can be found in a two dimensional cynique with scars on his arms

I do not blame you for leaving

if there was nothing to stay for then your decision was logical

I can only hope you find happiness

the book of you is closed, last chapter completed

the empty book you left will gather dust on the shelf

I hope you will find a book worth writing

for now, I am comfortably occupying empty pages

As I said I tried to do something different with this piece and make it a little more heartfelt than I have been in previous pieces. I hope everyone still enjoyed it and could take something from it. If you have any thoughts then please feel free to leave a comment below.

I plan to have another piece prepared before the end of this week, but until then I hope you all enjoy the rest of the week.

Broken Clock [Poetry Extract]

jarhead

It’s the start of a new week and so I have prepared a new piece for anyone who still bothers to read what I post. It’s based around the idea of loving someone that did not love you in return, based unfortunately on the real story of a love given but not received. I admit it is rather dark in places but I wanted this really to be a positive piece and the main message I want people to take from it is that you should never let one poisonous person bring you down to anything less than your best.

three words is not enough to capture love adequately

however, from the right lips, they capture lies

words only spoken from the barrel of a gun

one silver bullet in the chamber

a red lipstick stain printed on it

i am afraid to say you missed your mark

having lied to me before my armour is now thicker

if my heart is broken it is because I loved you when I shouldn’t have

I gave you more than you deserved

time, second chances, pity

through insults, violence and mistreatment

my love remained constant

somehow transcending all your malicious actions

 hands once held in the winter turn to those that strike me in the summer

a face once met with kisses now met with clenched hands

I do not need your lies or you

I am the best I can be

you were a broken clock

attempting to make me settle for the right time only twice a day

poisoning me into feeling like I am worth nothing

I am worth more than you’ll ever know

I do not deserve to be hit

your anger is your problem

damn your excuses

damn you for trying to make me feel as though I deserved violence

I leave with marks on my face

bruises and broken skin turned warpaint

the colours of red and purple

once a symbol of pain

now painting the banners of my victory

you may have clipped my wings

I can still walk

the right direction is the only location from here

in search of someone who deserves my love

a clock with a second hand that moves constantly

a heart with unconditional love to give

I may have danced with the devil

such a dance only lasts until the song finishes

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. I hope you’ve all had a great weekend and move on to have an even better week. Any thoughts on this please then please feel free to leave a comment below as always.

Hopefully I will have more pieces to post later this week!

 

 

The Ballad of a Self-Diagnosed Doormat [Poetry Extract]

star trek

It dawned on me a couple of days ago that I’ve a written a lot of poetry recently and it’s all been pretty sincere and so may not be accessible to some people, particularly those who know me well. I don’t think friends that read my poetry will have thought of me before as this sincere kind of guy who is just waiting to pour his heart and soul out. People that know me well will know me as the moody sarcastic little prick that likes to rant. So what I thought I’d do with this piece is take a slightly different turn and try something different. I hope you all enjoy!

it’s time for the magnanimous nature to change

I think only of myself from now on

one last obligatory farewell

rejoice that freedom has officially begun

I did love you, that much is true

you were the girl I couldn’t get out of my head

such a shame other boys featured frequently in your mind

with rumours of some featuring also in your bed

I don’t want to be bent out of proportion

twisted and reshaped to your every expectation

alternatively you could change, crack a smile for once

without me offloading my wallet in your direction

sure let’s talk about your hobbies non stop

of course they can take up twelve straight hours of my time

I understand your time is precious

no need to consider spending ten minutes on a hobby of mine

Of course you can control who I talk to

if they’re female then by default she’s seen more than a urologist

sure I’ll abandon my best friends because they’re female

provided you seek adequate therapy, perhaps an exorcist?

 whilst speaking of friends your are mistaken 

do not claim to have shared ownership

do not call them the “guys” or the “lads”

they’re acquaintances that tolerated your existence during the relationship

of course I find sociopathic family members funny

it’s not like I’d rather hack my own face off with a hatchet

than speak to Dan Brown’s duller prodigy

and a distant relative of Nurse Ratched

and of course i should feel intimidated around family

people who could throw punches at skinny little shits like me

that’s far more impressive than articulating an intelligent fucking sentence

or even being able to spell GCSE

of course I’ll be polite as they insult me, stood metres away

it’s nice to see such a malicious nature in each generation

the living embodiment of the House Lannister

with several other points of comparison

I’m aware you hate my sisters and my family

you’ve made that evident rather explicitly

however I’m not a fucking PA taking messages for them

if you have any further complaints please deliver them directly

of course you can insult me until I cry

insult my writing and call me a shit boyfriend 

but unfortunately my stomach operation will not backfire as requested

so I advise your comments about me dying alone reach an abrupt end

of course you can offload your psychological problems on me

sure, try to end you life in front of me, that’s not alarming

I’ll put my life at risk because you want to hug oncoming cars

and by all means ruin my evening by sending a photo of you self harming

of course you can hit me because you’re angry

go on, reserve your anger for the one you claim to love

be happy around every other guy but a moody bitch to me

I’ll treat it as just punishment from divine forces above

make me feel like I deserve to be hit

cut me down to size again and again

bruise my skin, hurl clenched hands at my head

as opposed to admitting you have a serious anger problem

I admit I wasn’t perfect, but I tried

so you continue lying with your victim card bullshit

when I said I liked things rough I was talking exclusively about sex

not the entire fucking relationship

As I said it is a different style for me and one that people might not be used to but I had a lot of fun writing this. It was nice to do something positive and creative with such negative energy built up.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. If you have any thoughts please feel free to leave a comment below.

I might have another piece ready for the end of the week, but if I don’t I hope you all have a great weekend!

Vapour Trails [Poetry Extract]

the wind rises 2

The piece I’ve written today is still on the same topic as my last poem and a few before that, basically centred around my previous relationship. Again I have tried to turn the focus away from the heartbreak side of things and make it so it’s more about me rebuilding myself after said experiences. I feel like I’m really at a stage now where I can talk about it more with family and friends and so I’m writing about it more often too. I hope everyone enjoys this piece, and hopefully you can take something away from it if you’ve ever been in a similar situation.

Loose ends is what we were

two ends tied together by the universe

initially seeming to match

the first months saw us as our best selves

friends, lovers, partners in crime

above all we were hopeless romantics

intoxicated by the other’s presence

stumbling into drunken arms

fingers fumbling through bed sheets to reunite and hold each other

transcending the dimensions of time as we grew up

yet remained young teenagers in love in the same instant

Zelda and Scott of the modern age

we felt we would live forever

perhaps that is still true

it will not be together as previously planned

all you shall see when you look my way is vapour trails

patterns in the sky where I once would stand

accompanying the silver linings of the clouds

the last remaining evidence of the love you lost

the love you mistreated

the face you struck with clenched hands as if belonging to an enemy

as I take flight I leave memories behind

the false words you spoke

empty promises

poisonous words spoken and insults

I leave behind every time your actions turned violent

every action that turned my skin scarlett

every tear you forced from my eyes

with every strike upon my face you sealed our conclusion

your last attempts to bend me into the shape you wanted

my search for love from you has reached an end

an unsuccessful venture

your name resembling that of someone I used to know

a name I fell in love with several hundred summers ago

keep a piece of a broken heart if you will

the rest I save for myself as I leave

the lock on the cage now withered and weak

allowing the caged bird to spring from captivity

broken wings heal in good time

ready to take flight once more

so that all you shall see upon looking my way

is vapour trails

I’m aware it gets quite serious and it does address topics I have written about on numerous occasions but I feel as though when I think about everything that happened it’s better for me to channel it in a creative way as opposed to beating myself up about it.

Whether you liked it or not I am grateful to anyone who took the time to read this, especially today because this piece really did mean a lot to me. If you have any thoughts then please feel free to leave a comment below.

I’m hoping to have another piece ready for later this week, until then I hope you all have a great week!

Improving Upon Silence [Poetry Extract]

midnight in paris

It’s now the middle of the week so I hope you have all had a great week so far. My week has been fairly mixed but I have had time to prepare a new piece of poetry for today. Another upbeat piece inspired by a wonderful person in my life who keeps cropping up in my dreams at the moment, I hope you all enjoy!

It is not irregular for me to dream of her

often when I close my eyes she waits for me

she is the one I always want to see

wherever my subconscious takes me

I can only hope she ventures with me

it took me to Paris

a journey alone for a weekend

unsure as to how I would cope with the silence of my own company

as I exit the taxi I survey the area

of all the sights one captures my attention

it is her

sat in a summer dress atop her suitcase

arms folded, smiling

the silence is not only broken

improved upon

her voice like a violin concerto, uttering six words

“what time do you call this?”

the winds carry her words to me

they drift into my ears

surge around my system as my heartbeat elevates

she shakes her head and laughs

her smile the most beautiful sight in the surrounding area

in a city that has created magnificent artwork for centuries

her smile forces them to mediocrity

I rush to her

she wraps her arms around me and jumps

a much awaited embrace for several moments

when she returns to the ground I apologise for my lateness

she replies, stating that dinner will excuse my actions

an idea one could not possibly argue with

until then, she is mine

and I am hers

I become greedy with the addition of her company

how could one feel less than euphoric in her company?

an emotional intoxication caused by this wonderful person

we walk the streets in the sun

talking of anything and everything

a trip planned in silence, now actioned with her beautiful voice included

the perfect score composed as accompaniment

the music plays on into the evening

over clinking glasses at dinner

talking of when we first spoke

I could listen to her voice beyond an eternity

become entirely lost in her words

I know my eyes will inevitably open

harshly closing the curtains on this most fantastic production

however I still have the last laugh

my subconscious holds no victory over me

for I challenge anyone to prevent me from making this a reality

As I said before, a nice positive piece inspired by someone who I know I am lucky to have in my life. I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it, either way I am grateful that you took time out of your day to read it. I know it’s only a couple of minutes but it really means the world to me to see just how many people read my work, especially on a regular basis. As always if you have any thoughts on this piece then please feel free to leave a comment below. I will try to have another piece ready for tomorrow, if not it will be on Friday.

Thank you again for reading this, I hope you all enjoy the rest of your week!

Pages in the Wind [Poetry Extract]

paper in the wind

What I thought I’d do today is share a piece I’ve written over the past few hours. It’s sort of a merging of two separate pieces, one that I started over a week ago and then another that I was writing today. The two pieces didn’t quite feel right as stand alone poetry, but together there was something there that I really liked. It’s inspired by someone who I’ve previously written poetry about and how they manage to lift my mood really easily by just being a fantastic person. I was in a bad mood at work but then I started writing this piece because I was thinking about them and it just made my day a whole lot better. I thought i’d best acknowledge that and let them see!

a dream of summer was made all the more exciting by her presence

under a tree on a warm afternoon

I sit writing a screenplay in the sun

Sinatra singing in my ear

shirt sleeves rolled up, wind drifting through hand written pages

I lift my arm up, several pages take flight

frantically I pick up the completed pages and give chase

I collect the pages as they glide through the air

all but one

her hand collects the page before I reach it

she lifts her head, I see that beautiful smile

the smile that lights up the darkest of days

two words drift through the breeze

“finders keepers”

she has found my attention, I hope she intends to keep it

her arm moves, offering her empty hand

I throw the papers in the air

watch them fall gracefully

my legs begin to run through the cloud of sheets

our hands meet

she smiles again, pulling me through the woods

I lose track of time entirely as we run whilst laughing

we stumble over plants until we reach a door carved into a tree

through the door is everything and anything

an infinity of situations

utter absurdity and transcendence of the laws of physics

she laughs and shakes her head

the door does not interest her

instead she pulls me back in the direction we came

her voice like a violin concerto in the wind

“no I rather like this dream, it’ll do just fine” she declares

she rushes ahead to collect the pages from among the grass

the final page is slotted into place from her pocket

I sit down against the tree, starting to rearrange the pages

she lays against me, one arm across my chest

her voice sails through the breeze

a vessel on waters without tempest

arranging plans for dinner in the evening

I could listen to her talk for days

I scarcely reply so as to hear her speak more

the wind’s temperature drops harshly

the sun begins to set

time as completely slipped from my grasp

I pass her my jacket, placing it on her shoulder

I promise we’ll return to that place

unsure as to when that would be possible

we begin to run as the moon lights our path

a path leading away from the morning

and the inevitable ending it brings with it

I’m not sure what people will make of it but I smiled a lot while I was writing it and I thought it would only be right for the person who inspired it to see how they improved my day by inspiring me. I’m hoping other people liked it to, either way thank you very much for taking the time to read this. If you have any feedback you’d like to give then please feel free to leave a comment below. I’m hoping to have another piece ready for tomorrow, but until then I hope you all enjoy the rest of your day!

The Other Side of an Hourglass [Poetry Extract]

hour glass

It is the start of another week and so I have prepared another piece to get us off to a (hopefully) good start. It is quite a serious piece based on personal experiences but it is still up beat so an extent as I move on to talk about new opportunities. It’s about new beginnings and learning from mistakes made, and more importantly it’s about not being afraid of your own past. I hope everyone enjoys!

the heart cannot simply be given away

it is a prize to be won

there is no deadline, no expiration date

do not rush the natural process

it is far better to wait countless years unloved

than settle for the first candidate regardless of their destructive capabilities

you risk ever being able to take your heart back

increasing the influence of damaging hands

do not give your heart to someone who cares not for its safety

someone who does not deserve it

do not let one person fool you or break you

no running after someone who does not intend to stay

instead let time take hold

a Murphy’s Law styled approach to potential

if something is meant to be then it will be

do not take a hammer to unmatched jigsaw pieces

the virtue of patience

love cannot be rushed

it is not something humans can make happen instantaneously

two people construct love gradually

brick by brick it is built

not influenced by Puck or Oberon

not orchestrated from atop Olympus

crafted merely by the hands of mortals

the same hands that can take the wall down

when violence becomes frequent the wall falls down

bruises and marks wave the white flag

destructive hands held no more

I believe love exists, unequivocally true love is real

however it is rare

I searched for love in a person that it could not be found in

does my search end here?

merely delayed

it may be on hiatus for weeks, months, years

I do not give up

hearts broken are not lost causes

under bandages and plasters they still beat

pick up the shards of broken glass and wait

wait however long it takes

flip the hourglass and start again

don’t look for love, let it find you

the sun may set at the end of a day

does that signify an end?

never

kiss the sunrise of another day at dawn

I’m aware it darts around a lot and doesn’t necessarily stick to a set mood but it felt quite good to get my emotions out and do something constructive with them. I hope you enjoyed this piece and found something relatable in it (hopefully not the violence, that’s not fun). If you have any feedback then please feel free to leave a comment below.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I’ll hopefully see you very soon with a new piece!

Contextual Anomaly [Poetry Extract]

3026859-slide-the-matrix

First of all I want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to read my poetry extract from yesterday. It really meant a lot to me to write it so I’m glad it was so well received. As promised I have prepared another piece for today. It’s not a complete piece but it is an extract from something I’ve been working on. It’s based around the idea that we are lucky to have the people we do in our lives because it’s a complex series of events that brings them to us, and about how people can just be great sometimes. So yeah, a nice positive piece for the mid week, I hope you all enjoy!

circumstance brought her to me

on an otherwise normal day she began to speak

an unexpected turn of events

unplanned and unprepared for

yet now I cannot imagine going a day without speaking to her

it is utter madness to consider

the fact that very specific contextual factors allowed us to meet

a set structure of events constructed the pathway to our first conversation

that specific day, hour, minute, second

if any element were slightly different we may not have met

that’s all it would take

one second

one second out of place has such destructive capabilities

it is terrifying to consider

I was one second away from never meeting the most fantastic person the world has to offer

yet it is far more exciting to realise the opposite happened

that I was indeed in just the right second to meet her

any tangential series of events is unacceptable

what I share with her now is unique

it’s construction has an explanation that will never be found

too complex for scientists to unravel

an unsolved theorem

I am not seeking explanation

I am revelling in celebration of what we have

even if our understanding of time advanced

if the dimensions of time could be shaped and reconstructed by humans

if we could achieve transcendence and travel through time as easily as space

I would not alter a single second

the anomalous occurrence of that day made us

brought us together

it was not of divine construction

nor was it fated or written in the stars centuries ago

it was a chance meeting

a new opportunity

one second

one person in seven billion

we forged a connection gradually

from beautiful unexplained madness

pure chance

and I challenge even time itself to try and tear us apart

I thought it was a nice positive piece and it really kept my spirits up to write it. As always I am grateful to anyone who has taken time out of their day to read this. Please feel free to leave any comments below, I’m open to any feedback. I aim to have another piece ready for tomorrow, but even if this doesn’t happen I will have another ready in time to close off the week.