Blunt Reviews Presents: El Orfanato [The Orphanage]

the orphanage

I don’t care if people don’t have the patience to watch foreign cinema, because in this instance it means they’re missing out on one of the best horror films our generation has seen. This is a film that turns you on your head and spins you around so you have no idea what’s going on, and while this is happening it crawls under your skin to terrify the life out of you. Every single element is polished to perfection, it is a genuine masterclass in suspense that pieces together like a jigsaw to make a work of art.

Blunt Reviews Presents: Orphan (2009)

orphan

It was nice to see an attempt at something different, but if I knew this film was going to slip back into the same formulaic nonsense most modern horror films stick to, I’d have been better off spending 123 minutes of my time bashing my head against a brick wall. What’s most frightening about this film is the shamefully bad writing. It’s like it set out to have a structured plot with character and depth, but then got too excited about the big twist, and proceeded to run into the woods giggling like a child, before urinating over its own feet.

Blunt Reviews Presents: Insidious (2011)

insidious

I’m not sure I can actually rant about Insidious, because it would be like trying to have a rant about a fucking cardboard box. It is that boring and void of any distinctive characteristic that it’s actually difficult to get annoyed about it. To be honest I’d probably be more annoyed if I could actually remember more about the film, but the thing is that because the film is so tedious and pointless I don’t actually care that it exists. I don’t feel robbed of time, I just watched the film, ate a Twix and moved on with my life.

Blunt Reviews Presents: The Borderlands (2013)

The Borderlands

I was pleasantly surprised to find that this small budget, homegrown British horror flick was genuinely scary. And by scary I mean I was physically shaking by the time the end credits hit. The main body of the film is very well made, with enough jump scares and religious debates to keep audiences on their toes, but the last act of the film was just superb. It is a unique experience that I admire because it doesn’t attempt to offer an explanation or disprove religion, instead it offers minimal solitude in ambiguity, which made it thought-provoking and actually rather interesting.